Javascript Menu by

Go BackIt's TWISTED SISTER 5 - She's back, the funky she-monkey, the idle stroller, the Ayatollah of Rock and Rrrrolla!

Posted: 27/9/04 17:37

Music Review Interview Trends Music Box New Music Labels Review Clubbing New Ibiza News Tech. News Giveaway
Read my previous column

Pay attention children, I may be asking questions... Aristotle dedicated the second works of his 'poetics' to comedy as a vehicle for truth, after all, the only satire America allows of itself is subtle criticism like the Simpsons.
'Have I got news for you' in the UK. Satire is allowed if it's wrapped up in chuckles. So remember to laugh, but remember the truth will set you free. It’s a shame we have to disguise the truth as comedy, but I guess no one is interested otherwise...

So... Is it fair to say Ibiza is dying? It's certainly not very well. I'm no Doctor or Nurse but I am a Sister and a player in the scene and my professional opinion is that Ibiza is very, very sick. I prescribe pills to be taken without meals! Do you think the Police enjoyed closing down Bora Bora, DC10, Talamanca, Sa Trinxa, Blue Marlin and practically everything that is not a member of the "Association of Discos"? The Police are normal guys trying to do one of the World's hardest jobs and the cops that went to these venues were both embarrassed and pissed off. They don't like busting free parties where there are no neighbours in a well organised space. It's a waste of their time and they said so!

You hear voices whining...."but Dc10 doesn't have a license for their Terrace", or "Bora Bora is right next to a new development, how will those poor people sleep" FUCK OFF! It didn't matter a year ago! It didn't matter 5 years ago! WHY does it matter NOW suddenly? Sweet Dreams Ibiza. When you wake up next season you'll have a shock. I wonder how long it will be before they close down this column. I'm sure there is a 'Law' being broken. Freedom of speech? You should have heard one of them whining after Sister criticised Morillo. What was that you said, I'm sorry? He ISN'T a serial womaniser and self proclaimed at that? Sorry. I thought I was quoting his own words.
I will leave this topic now and forever. I am tired of it. End all bitching and look to the postitive, it's the only NEVER! Ha ha aaaaar. Shit.

Now Steve Lawler! There is a top man, a good looker and a real DJ. Can you believe those people at Mixmag voted Erick Morillo top DJ over Steve! Considering 3 out of the 7 panellists that Sister secretly asked didn't vote for him but voted for Steve (p.s Steve didn't even get a look in, strange that). And Morillo is both on the 'panel' and a major advertiser in Mixmag one has to ask... what the hell happened? Oh, and Timo Maas winning awards in Ibiza... after 4 gigs!! compared to nights who have been here for a decade!  NO. One thing to say to Mixmag. Try coming to Ibiza next time if you want to judge us ...........let me get back onto the delightful topic of young Lawler...

Now...Lawler OK, the lovely Steven is a smashing young buck and Sister would anytime for him and on top of all his talents he has a SENSE OF HUMOUR! woop woop alert alert DANGER!!! DJ with a SENSE OF HUMOUR. What next? A DJ writer or sculptor? God forbid! and when I say that I don't mean the weekend wackiness DJs use as a substitute personality when they are on drugs, I mean a lightness about themselves, what they do and the ability to take a joke with  grace and charm. I mean the world's best DJ Danny Tenaglia is one of the funniest, most charming men you could hope to meet.  Is it fair to say there is a connection between good humour and good DJ skills? maybe...
No, Lovely handsome Steve saw Sister's little gag about his DJ Butler and logged on and replied most graciously in our forum!
(Go have a look). Although I detect he denies being the employer of a DJ Butler I have to wonder then who the man is who carries his stuff and tapes a bottle top to the record shelves for him to stop the records slipping? (Sister's eyes are everywhere Steve!)  It’s not so bad, most big DJs have a DJ Butler. Last Monday night Steve threw open the saloon doors, and then approached our master, The Evil-Genius-in-his-rooftop-Ibiza-Central-Command-Centre, (AKA lovely Samuel Guetta) at El Ayoun Privado. Our leaders (bless his name, please don't hurt us anymore) was ready to go mano-a-mano with an angry Lawler. Showdown at El Ayoun! After the reaction to criticising DJs Samuel got recently he was particularly on his guard. After all, we're not allowed to criticise DJs in Ibiza are we? The two Titans faced off but instead of the usual DJ whining and whinging and crying Stevie gave out a generous hearty manly hug and congratulations. It turns out that Steve IS A HUMAN BEING and not a DJ as we thought. We love you Steve. Some of us more than others nudge-nudge-wink-wink-say-no-more.
{P.S the top of Samuel's rooftop command centre can detach and fly off in an emergency or if James Bond foils his evil plans again}

Steve was convinced that our mighty leader Samuel is Sister! What is this? Transvestite Spiderman or something? Well Samuel IS a trilingual polyglot of extreme genius somewhat like Sister but I can say with some certainty only someone English raised could come up with this lengthy sentence. 
So guess again suckers!!

I am Your Fantasy! Worship at my heels worms.

Twisted Sizstar

1. DC10's Andreas "obtaining" the Terrace license in 10days!! how fast, how weird??? So we could all party as normal. Andreas, We SALUTE YOU! {Tell you what mein kinder, it made the Party go RIGHT OFF. All this DC10 drama may be expensive but it helps! We love you Andreas.}
2. Lovely, lovely, lovely Steve Lawler.
3. Danny Tenaglia comes to Ibiza; no doubt we'll see him dancing around and mingling with us like a real person. Bless Him.
4. DC9! Opposite DC10.. A hut, a hermit, some nutters and a load of empty bottles and cans! Oh, and an old wooden pallet to dance on. No music though. Priceless!
5. The Weather is just right for us pasty ones.

1. Dc10 under attack. RESIST brothers and Sisters! RESIST.
2. Bora Bora without music, DJ Gee thinking of leaving forever. What the HELL is going on?!
3. Not enough people at Blue Marlin new venue, they think they can do it all themselves. Sorry but you need quality DJs as well as a lovely venue. Sister knows. Listen to Sister!
4. The Season nearly over. BOO HOO what are we all to do?
5. Living for weeks without water because some nitwit with a spade cut through the pipe. Fucking Medieval maaan!

Words by The funky she-monkey