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Posted: 4/11/04 11:24

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Is the Sister here to stay? You bet your Grandma on it. Is there actually anything to bitch about in the winter? ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING!?! Sister travels the world for you Mein Kinder, sneakin and tweakin’ and losing her luggage and lunch for you...

We’ll start where we should. Ibiza. You remember that place you went to for a week in the summer...? No? You went with your mates... ? No... sunny, quite hot? No?... you took loads of drugs... ? No? Nothing?... You wore your red shorts... YAY! Yes now you remember.It transpires that the first occasion of note since the last Dc10 and nastydirty at El Ayoun and the Rave in the Cave (more on that) is Halloween. Sister LOVES to dress up so I was looking forwards to it since June! “What are you wearing?” I asked everyone of my friends on the phone and one or two strangers. It wasn’t easy this year. I bet my friend 100 € there would be at least 5 ‘Morticias’ from ‘the Addams Family’ wherever we ended up. I toyed with the idea of being Margaret Thatcher, Frankenstein’s mother or perhaps DJ Alfredo? I decided upon the Mummy, as my Daddy was.But where to go in Ibiza in the winter?? Lucifer seemed the most obvious choice it seemed they’d been waiting all year for this night, although I couldn’t wait till morning dressed in bandages. A friend recommended Halloween at Bambuddha Grove, dinner and a spooky shuffle. I have to report Bambuddha made an INCREDIBLE effort to turn the entire venue into a splendid cavern of chilling fun. Not an inch of the place was visible under it’s ‘costume’ and I laughed so hard at venerable Buddha-boss Mr. John Moon’s outfit I nearly burst out of my bandages! He was a real sight. It was only later I learned his outfit was 50% REAL as he’d broken his leg jumping into a pool he thought was full of water. It wasn’t. PRICELESS and VERY Moon, I can’t think of him without his namesake, the king of excess, Keith Moon from the Who. Both are pure Rock! Both kings of excess! Imagine Sister’s delight when it transpired that the music was by her current favourite (I said CURRENT-send me a CD or else~!) the fabulous NASTYDIRTYSEXMUSIC!! Rock on!Tim Sheridan solo behind the decks (Smokin was delayed in Moscow) was a shock. I had no idea and the surprise was tremendous. How did they manage it? We all thought nastydirty was off to world tours, champagne and aural sex in Limos. Anyway, enough bigging up till I get my CD! Suffice to say it was awesome. Great effort from Bambuddha’s team led by the delightful Sasha. Good work!! Winter in Ibiza is our secret!......ssshhh! don’t tell.

Well well, Manumission. Not the impression they made last year this time around but Sister is told they plan to have not one but TWO nights next year. Putting on Live gigs. This is a another symptom of Andy and Dawn MacKay’s new obsession when every new. Gone are the days of non-famous names, hilarious attempts at ‘shows’ and good old fashioned pretend-sex to bring in the monkeys. It’s all badly chosen bands, ‘electro’ (sorry, but on it’s own without a break it’s as bad as trance) and comical house acts. At least you’ve still never heard of the DJs which is some comfort except it’s not. Not content with TWO Manumissions next season they hope to ‘conquer’ AMERICA next. New York to be precise. I can only assume they have finally booked their single on the rubber bus to Loopyland.  Do they seriously think with America’s Unions (the toughest to work with in the world) lack of humour or irony and total lack of exposure to the ‘Mish’, that they can succeed. Sister hopes they do for all her bitchiness after all they are the biggest promotor in the world no?. I have a soft spot for the Mish, and I believe the New York ‘project’ could finish them. Although if we know Andy, it won’t be Manumission’s money on the line. I hope so. It looks bad on PAPER, never mind in reality. I’d love to go just to see a thousand American’s really just not getting it... a bit like a San Francisco rave! Come ON! taking the world’s wackiest club from the Island of liberal culture and fun to capital of Po-faced non-fun and repression. Have you BEEN to a New York club lately?!? They may as well have a giant neon sign in every one screaming NO FUN. NO DANCING. NO DRUGS. Sister says good luck to the Mish anyway...

I spent a few days in the big stinky (UK this time, can you tell I’ve gone off big cities my pretties, mmmm, can you?) last month to check out the aforementioned heavily-hyped Ministry revival in London, and FELL ASLEEP in my hotel. So as a consolation I went straight to Fabric’s 5th Birthday. Make a wish! Blow me down if Fabric haven’t taken the rod out of their arse and discovered FUN. You’ve read about it? F.U.N. Where people dance and laugh and carry on? Well in 5 years of going to Fabric I can’t say it was a big factor, while still undoubtedly the best club in London it had a successful humour bypass operation at it’s birth and I remember once a member of staff asking someone who was laughing, whooping and shouting to calm it down a bit...this is Fabric’ (!). Good Golly Gosh! What a sentence. (I must report Sister loves Fabric, perhaps the only place they hand out free stuff like BEER!) But I take it all back. They had a dressing up box, magic mushrooms and even the inflexibly dour Craig Richards was quite lively. FUN was had. They’ve come a long way since the only funny thing I saw was a lone pantomime horse (yes) in Fabric followed by years of non-comedy. Now if only they’d get up to date musically a bit I’d be their biggest fan again. I live in hope (and Ibiza).

Please tell me the rumours of Dave Vincent coming to Ibiza are untrue?!? I mean I respect very much Sankey’s, their people, the DJs like Krysko and Vickers, their line ups, but Vincent is unacceptable to me. Is it personal? not really, it’s just he’s so arrogant. Another UK promoter wading into Ibiza throwing weight and money around and just not getting it. It’ll take more than a weeks holiday to understand what goes on here my dear. The face paint and weekend wackiness of Vincent will look so silly compared to the WORLD CLASS freaks of Ibiza, come, learn, respect and understand. THEN make your move and that’s more advice than you deserve you terribly rude little man (Ok it’s personal! you got me! just as well it’s my job).Can I sum up my fears...? mmmm can I my dears? can I sum them up in one bite size of bile? This is the man who walks around a Danny Tenaglia gig with an airhorn. WRONG!

Oh lovely, lovely lovely dear Danny Tenaglia. I mean is he not the world’s biggest sweetheart? did you see him everywhere at the close of business? He’s everywhere and all powerful, a bit like God but MUCH nicer (less smiting and vengeful plagues...just!). But wasn’t it funny the way every venue claimed he was appearing to play a few records’ yeah rrrrrrRight! I counted 4 parties he was due to ‘informally’ perform at after I have to say, a fairly average showing at Pacha. He was actually only due to play at El Ayoun! and didn’t even bother he was having such a ball (see Christian’s wonderful review). Remember my treasures; don’t believe anyone outside a club claiming Danny is playing, or indeed anything they are saying.We understand he is playing in London at Heaven on 12th Nov with Bora Bora  types Gee, the VERY handsome Oliver Lang and other friends, Ibiza United at Pacha London the night before and Nastydirtysexmusic at Ministry on Sat 13th!! Good grapefruits! IBIZA Reunion weekend in smelly old London!! :) HURRAH :) !! I booked my flight today.IBiZA REUNION IN LONDON!?! :-( ... it’d be funny if the line up wasn’t so phenomenal...

I cried and cried and cried when John Peel died. I’d had the pleasure of meeting him several times and can say he was a true gentleman and as Willy Wonka says ”a music maker...a dreamer of dreams”. I couldn’t have cared less when old princess who-had-all-the-flowers’ Di died, but I lost it when Frank Zappa went. Toll the bells for John Peel. The best things Sister heard about this tragedy was that The Eavis family who run the Glastonbury festival are thinking of renaming the new bands tent "the John Peel tent". And best of all, the people of Liverpool, his home town and beloved football team, are going to have 2 minutes NOISE for him. Bless.

1. The long life of John Peel. I suckled on his musical titty and gained my musical nourishment there. He will never be equaled. Can you see ANYONE at Radio One taking a risk on someone like him these days? NOT
2. John Kerry.
3. Rave in Cave. A Cave. A Rave. Nothing more need be said.
4. It’s warm and sunny right now in Ibiza, where the hell are you?
5. So depressed I really can’t think of more than 4 good things and I have a great imagination... shame....

1. George Bush
2. George Bush
3. George Bush
4. George Bush
5. George Bush

Words by Twisted Sister