It's not always (never!) clear skies and calm, on a flight to a Ibiza.
Flying from the UK to Ibiza during peak season can be a lively experience. From armed police boarding the plane to hero worship to brutal marriage break-ups, the world's top DJs get to experience more of the fruitier mile-high tales, than the rest of us. Which is why we asked to handful of top-tier Ibiza regulars to recount their most unforgettable stories from 30,000 feet.
"Before we boarded a flight from Bristol to Ibiza, all these kids saw me in the departure lounge and started saying, 'Look, look over there, it's fucking Eats Everything!' They came over and started chatting to me, basically mauling me like they were my best mates. They were super excited, but they seemed like friendly people, so I had photos taken with them and then we boarded the plane. However, it turned out that they were the rowdiest bunch of kids ever - doing gear on the plane and shouting crazily - girls and guys, absolute Welsh nutters. An hour into the flight the pilot came over the loudspeaker like a teacher on a school trip asking everyone to calm down, but they were completely uncontrollable.
When we landed the authorities held us on the runway. By now the kids - who knew they were about to be arrested - were going properly mental, smashing stuff and shouting about being imprisoned on the plane. Suddenly my mate Freddy - who looks a bit like Harry Potter - stood up and shouted back at them, 'If you guys just keep it down, we can all get off this plane now!' But that only made things worse. One of the girls shouted back, 'You can keep your fucking mouth shut, Harry fucking Potter!' Obviously the whole plane burst into laugher about that. Anyway, eventually a crew of armed police boarded the plane and took off about 20 of these kids.
I was due to play for Cocoon at Amnesia at midnight in the Main Room. In the end, I made the gig with time to spare, but looking down from the booth at 12:15am, I remember seeing the very same kids going wild on the dancefloor. Later in the night, one of the less obnoxious ones told my tour manager that they'd been fined 300€ each and then let out to see me play at Amnesia. So as it turned out, embarrassingly, those horrible people were actually my fans!"
"I was on a flight quite recently that nearly kicked off big time. It was an EasyJet flight from Southend and there was a big squad of lads on a stag do and they were all completely pissed. We've all been there, I know, but these lads were swearing loads and doing lines, creating so much havoc that a few of the mothers who were onboard with their kids asked them to be quiet.
Eventually it got so bad that I stood up and said, 'Yeah, shut up, there's kids on here. Just chill out, you're making everyone uncomfortable!' One of the lads jumped up and said, 'Who do you think you're talking to you daft cunt?' I said, 'I'm talking to you, you little prick!' And we both squared up and it nearly went off. Just then one of his mates jumps up and says, 'No way, that's fucking Richy Ahmed, you can't kick-off at Richy fucking Ahmed!' After that, they all started saying sorry and everything just calmed right down. I couldn't believe it. I thought I was about to get a hiding on the plane, but in the end I felt like the working mans hero!"
"The flight that really takes the cake is the time I was flying from London to Ibiza. Upon boarding the flight the steward recognised me and said he was a huge Josh Wink fan. I was very thankful and happy for his kind words. Later, when we were taxiing on the runway, I fell asleep. A few minutes later I was awakened by an announcement on the intercom, saying that there was a famous artist on the plane that was responsible for getting most of the flight crew into dance music.
Then they played a good two minutes of ‘Higher State of Consciousness' over the PA. When the crescendo came in people were trying to imitate the 303, screeching and making weird noises. Hands were up in the air, seats were rocking and some people got up in the isle and did the funny rave dance. I recall several things: smiles from the passengers who liked and knew the song. And frowns from those passengers that didn’t know it and were extremely disturbed by all the noise."
"You can make your own mind up as to whether this is a funny story or a sad story, as I had the experience of witnessing a full on marriage break up at close quarters over the course of the flight. It all started as soon as the couple sat down behind me. Taking their seats, wife began relentlessly moaning to husband about how disappointed she was with the haircut she had received that afternoon, plus the amount of legroom they'd paid for.
The situation escalated fast as husband took umbrage at the downer his beloved was putting on his holiday vibe, choosing to counter her moans with his own complaints on a range of topics that were clearly chosen to induce maximum reaction, as he set about chastising her on sensitive subject after sensitive subject. By the time we were airborne and the drinks trolley had made a couple of stops at our row, husband and wife were engaged in a full-on, tit-for-tat war of words; dragging up age-old mistakes and misdemeanours in that classic style of married couple bust ups.
They managed to refrain from violence of any kind, although the vulgarity and bitterness of the name calling peaked just as we began our descent into Ibiza. By the time the seatbelt sign flickered off and we were free to make our escape, wife was in floods of tears, screaming at husband that: 'It's all over after 12 years!' While soon-to-be ex-husband continued to be an absolute horror, ensuring he had the last word, as he shouted for her to: 'Sling your fucking hook!' Awkward."
"I remember one flight - I think it was a Friday night Ryanair from London Stansted - to give the story some context - and there were a solid contingent of young clubbers who had started the inebriation part of the holiday early, with one young lady in particular.
Then a group of hunky Essex boys boarded the plane passing her seat, much to her vocal delight. Literally mid take off, she got up and staggered up the aisle, ignoring the stern warnings on the PA, and flopped herself across their laps slurring: ‘Hiiii Boyssss.' She then had to be pulled off of them by the crew and restrained in her seat for the remainder of the flight. We later found out she was on the plane with her boyfriend. I'm not sure how long the relationship lasted after that!"
"I’d played at a party in Dublin and the next morning I boarded a flight to Ibiza, where I was due to play a few days later. It was chaos from the start, with everyone excited and starting the party early. I was keeping my head down, trying to snooze a bit as soon as I boarded, but just as we had the front wheels slightly up and about to lift off the runway, all of a sudden we came to a abrupt stop.
The captain came over the PA and announced that we were heading back to the gate due to an incident in the passenger cabin and that the Garda were coming on board with dogs. As it turned out, just as we were about take off, one lad decided that he wanted to use the bathroom and refused to sit back down when asked.
Then he basically went next to it instead. We were delayed for about two hours while they pulled five lads off the plane, then we had to wait another two hours for a take off slot, while the whole plane got more and more noisy! We eventually took off, I got zero rest, and let’s just say I was pretty happy to finally land in Ibiza. Life as a DJ, it’s all glam!"
Check out more tour antics below: