Miami WMC 2008: 10 things to avoid.

Words by: smac
Posted: 11/3/08 16:35

Winter Music Conference Love it or hate it, there's nothing quite like it. A week's worth of absolute debauchery and wrongness in the centre of the planet's most uptight continent. For just over 7 days Ocean Drive becomes the East Coasts answer to Sodom and Gomorra as every big club or little hotel bar becomes infested with house heads and pill heads in equal amount at all hours day and night bashing out tunes in a constant merry-go-round of music.

Hair never gets let down like this in your own country. There's a long tradition of partying abroad that forms the basic ethos of Miami. Little actual work gets done, but being mash-up with that promoter you met once, or sharing munted moments with some DJ that you've been trying to book, all adds to the value of the trip. A little Miami connection can go a long way. But if you're going to do it right, and get the most out of your week ahead…there are some simple rules to follow, and a few little pitfalls to avoid… here's our top 10. 

  1 First and foremost, before you even get there, try to avoid Miami International Airport. Repeatedly voted worst airport in the US in polls, the queues for immigration are horrendous, baggage takes hours to clear, if it ever turns up at all, and the customs inspectors will have you feeling eye-shiftingly guilty even though you KNOW you've cleared out all your pockets three times over.

  2 Second golden rule; forget having a plan. Sounds simple, but it's surprisingly difficult to achieve. That's to say - have a general idea of where might be a good place to start each day, but then leave it there. You won't stick to it, you'll beat yourself up afterwards, and if you go to a party with a definite time fixed on when you have to leave, you'll miss out on all the random opportunities that Miami
           can throw at you.

  3 Avoid any party playing booty bass. Shouldn't need to explain this one. Unless Neanderthal American students are your thang, and you have an affection for pitchers of cheap cocktails with multiple straws, just stay away.

  4 Stay away from the beach. The sun is hot. It will frazzle your poor winter worn European skin and you'll spend the whole of the last day looking like a victim of chemical peeling and tearing strips of skin from your pickled nose.

  5 Give the Ultra Music Festival a miss. If we wanted to shuffle around a field with 20,000 other people squinting at a stage trying to work out who we're watching/ missing/trying to see then we'll go to Glastonbury thank you.

  6 Watch out for killer bees. Apparently after a severe season in 2005 when they stung to death 2 dogs and a man within 7 days, they've now inbred with a local strain and are fiercer than ever. Avoid carrying honey in public places.

  7 On a similar note, try not to get knocked off by Dexter. Quite possibly the best looking serial killer this century, Miami's answer to Jack The Ripper is generally quite fussy about whose blood he spills on South Beach, but best steer clear just in case.

  8 Avoid the traffic - use a bicycle. A very astute DJ friend of mine years ago just pedalled up and down South Beach from party to party. Minimal effort, maximum simplicity and much quicker than walking, or sitting in a taxi for 2 hours to go 3 blocks. Oh, and it's eco-friendly too!

  9 Steer clear of celebrity eateries. Would you go to a burger bar owned by Bonnie Langford? Then what makes you think Gloria Esteban's gaff will make good food? Same goes for Danny's Devitos, Niro's Nobu and Dan Marino's Steakhouse. Get a grip and try to maintain your standards, it's only Miami for gawds sake, not Hollywood.

10 Most importantly, avoid sounding like a jaded sarcastic piece of industry excess. No one likes an irony-laden know-it-all, least of all the Yanks. Soak up some genuine Stateside enthusiasm, show off your sparkly pearly-whites and get your groove on US style, oh, and definitely don't anyone mention the war.

MIAMI FULL CALENDAR HERE   -  View day by day: 25th - 26th - 27th - 28th - 29th


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