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"We all know this season in Ibiza is like a mixed bag for clubbers, artists and promoters alike, so we thought we'd lighten the mood a little and try and touch some raw nerves along the way. This is the bitch list!"

1 - Friday Night = Fight Night 

It was Elton John who said "Saturday nights alright for fighting" but this year it is Friday night when you're most likely to see fisticuffs, with the club promoters destined to be in the thick of it.  

Firstly, we have the Privilege v Manumission bout, which so far in the shape of Supermartxe sees Privilege winning at a canter. Owner of the 'World's Biggest Club', Jose Maria Extaniz, is so bitter about the Mish's acrimonious departure last summer that he's trebled the poster budget for Friday nights and basically made it a free party.

Manumission's response has been to have unprecedented levels of free guestlist and even resorting to offering free drink incentives to customers, a policy Amnesia has never really operated. If this was a boxing match, the referee would have stopped the fight by now as with 5,000 plus through the doors most weeks, Supermartxe is the hot to Manumission's not.  

2 - Private Jets and Safe Bets 

Bout Two on the Friday night bill involves the intriguing story of the winter and Pete Tong cashing in, sorry, ahem…….i mean, leaving Pacha for "a new challenge" - yeah, we've all heard that one before! The funny part of the whole affair was Pete's private jet, a 4 seater flying machine which Pete himself likes to call ' Air Tongo ' (no really!).

The truth of the matter is that Pure Pacha now has such a diverse and deadly variation of combinations since Pete left, that the Tongster seems like a 60 year old George Foreman bumbling away, persisting with that same old trusty jab. So whilst Wonderland announce 3€ discounts with their flyers, yes count 'em, three (!), Pacha have taken advantage of their always guaranteed full house on Friday by trying something different with the likes of the Jaxx, Faithless and Goldfish. In fact, this pairing is a complete mismatch, time to throw in the towel Pete. 

3 - I love girls, girls, girls, girls. 

Whilst on the subject of Pure Pacha, what a true legend and liability Steve Angello is. Whilst at Amnesia watching fellow 'geezer' Seb Ingrosso a few weeks ago, Steve ploughed his way through enough Hierbas to sedate an elephant and simultaneously lap danced for 3 rather top heavy ladies. The phrase "anything with a pulse" seems to have been invented for the loveable rogue Angello, albeit I escaped his attention (just), must have been because I'd forgotten to shave my legs. I'll have you yet Steve! Stalkers check your dates and head down to Pure Pacha and Cream. 

4 - Price Wars 

The scarcity of punters this year has really got the big discotecas coming up with some great ideas. You can just imagine all the big wigs around the boardroom table at 9am on a Monday morning, brainstorming and mind mapping their strategy to rectify the situation. Indeed!  

The fall out is that entrance into many clubs is practically free. There are free invitation flyers everywhere for La Communidad and Louie Vega to name but two. Meganite and Monza have free guestlist access advertised on Ibiza Global Radio. For Supermartxe or Juicy at Amnesia, just turn up! Even Space has wristbands for all of its parties, which give access to the club for less than the price of a drink inside.  

   

My personal favourite though has to be the Advanced vs Tidy ticket deal. 10€ gets you a ticket, 2 drinks in Eden, a fan, a t-shirt, 30 minutes in the back room and the chance to ceremoniously burn one of Dave Pearce's records! Ok ok, we're joking; Eden wouldn't be so lax as to give away t-shirts when they are on sale inside the club. All in all though, the reduced entry fees remind me of the saying, if you pay peanuts you get monkeys! Enough said.  

5 - Dull, who me? 

Anyway, back to the bitching and the man like, yes I always call him that too, Sasha who has been doing his best Queen Victoria impression at 3 gigs for Cream and Made in Italy so far in 2008. That's Queen Victoria the 19^th century British monarch, by the way, renowned for her black attire and discontented temperament. Of course once DJ God Sasha has never really been your happy-go-lucky, effervescent, Fatboy Slim type of a jock - part of the legend if you ask me - but constantly dressing in black is going a little too far. Come on Sash, dust off the multi-coloured maharishi's and let's see you giving it some, Space 99 style. Next gig Cream 31^st July. 

6 - Cox on the rocks. 

Last but not least, we're still in court but the Jury is out on - CarlCox. Yes, he who played every illegal rave, festival, club and Bar Mitzvah going at the start of his career and now is wholly supportive of the law banning afterhours. We're sure it has nothing to do with the fact his party is totally unaffected of course but maybe coxy in his wisdom is showing the type of attitude we all should. I for one though find his holier than thou stance a tiny little hypocritical, but we'll wait before sentence is passed. The jury is out!