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There's barely 4 weeks to go and promoters are still scrambling frantically to make sure that their venue isn't the ship that's going down in the economic storm that will be Ibiza 09. Vice felt it was only fair that we added our twopenneth worth to the debate...because really, who else would tell it like it really is...

So first place for the most ludicrous rebound - or complete disregard for loyalty in the face of vast financial temptation - is the high camp La Troya. She flounced out of the clutches of Martin 3 years ago decrying maltreatment, degradation and abuse, into the strong protecting arms of sugar-papa Pepe. Only to grow bored and spoilt in the cold palace of Space. So what do you know? Amnesia waves their magic wad, and hey presto, Brasilio is back in the terrace, leaving Pepe and Juan with a empty cheque book, and an even emptier Wednesday night. Thanks for the memories honeys! Sugar-daddies should know better.

Award for the fastest sinking ship then, really must go to Space. No sooner had La Troya spread their wings, than Matinee started looking for a life raft. Anything they can do we can do better, and booyaka! They're into Saturday's at Amnesia. That club really will have nowhere to put its Foam Parties soon if it keeps taking in strays at this rate.
Space on the other hand, really is living up to its name. Maybe the supermarket rumours are true? There'll certainly be room for an aisle or two most nights of the week, or maybe even a small cash & carry out back. The grandiose in-house answer to Pure Pacha, 'Be @ Space' has replaced Tenaglia after year one, and opted for the overwhelmingly underwhelming offering of Tom Novy. Fritz must be chuckling in his grave. (No, I know he didn't die, but he's certainly in ex-club-promoter heaven by now)

And as for Coxy? Stuck on the gangplank without a cutlass? Let's just say there's more than one other venue that received a worried call from his management last week...unsure of how it looks to be the last rat on the frightfully holey ship.

And yes, we know there's still We Love....Space (and thank goodness they do, as it sure looks as no-one else will) but a club cannot survive on one day alone. Has it not been decreed? Thou shalt have at least 3 functioning nights or thou shalt become El Divino?

And talking of El Divino....well. Actually shall we? No one else is. Not even them. We really wouldn't be surprised if a big boat didn't pass along in the night, bump into the side of them and the whole club would just slip quietly and silently into the harbour. Come to think of it...how big is Khalid's boat?

With Hed Kandi at Eden, Miss Moneypennys sliding into BoHo, Salvacion banging frantically on the doors of Space...its hard to think of what else there is to do there. A nicely decorated cocktail terrace? A rather upmarket yachting club? Ibiza's answer to Supperclub? Certainly better ideas than continuing to flog ungrateful second-rate UK house nights to port side punters that don't know any better. Give  up the ghost El Divino...and settle for a KM5 for the Marina crews. 09 is not the year for hoping for the best.

The crisis has certainly helped Grandaddy Pacha clear out his closet any road. Doddery Roger packed his bags a while ago, leaving room on Mondays for the young whippersnapper Swedes. And Fedde le Grand has an overnight bag for Tuesdays each week. Someone should tell Sander that Pure Pacha isn't actually his night....overheard in the booth recently he appears to believe he replaced Tongy....but for the extra hundred grand they saved on the fee, we're sure that the club would tell Kleinenberg anything.

And who can blame him. The Circo Loco craziness continues... the staff have now been told to find other employment...but hope is still alive in the far reaches of the galaxy....Sundays even looked possible for a while at the cavernous Privilege...but the Italian Gollum's cling to their precious DC10 with valiant devotion and refuse to put us and their followers out of their misery. Where there is a will, there must be a way. And if anyone can find one, they will.

Striding on bravely on the other side of town, Ibiza Rocks will try to weather out the storm this season now that the fat cat of Sony Ericcson sponsorship has sauntered out of the building. Out go the Lights! Action! Cameras! of the open-air Hippodrome rock concerts and TV show - in comes a mid-week night at Eden with a pre-party at the hotel supported by some rather average bands we've all seen before, most of which haven't even been confirmed yet.

In times of crisis pull back! pull back! And play it safe by going to Eden. And so the battle is on in the streets of San Antonio. Only one year after vowing to restore the honour of the underdog town, Eden with their shining knight Pete Tong, may have a serious contender with newcomer BoHo. The old Exstasis (for it will always be known as such) has a suitably impressive interior, an eccentric background and some of the most persuasive heads about town at the helm. Superfreq finally get the residency they deserve on Thursdays, and with the likes of Nicky Holloway and crew cropping up through the week, Pete's posse may ready to be swayed.

More likely, Eden with their Hed Kandi, Wonderland and Judgement Sundays may have to start acting like a real proper club, with less of the freebies and half price discounts, and a little more attention to genuine promotion to get the kids off the streets this season. Extending their PR arms under the tables of El Ayoun might be one of their secret weapons, but time will tell, as it always does, then rest assured Vice will tell the world.

(Everything written above is complete rumour-mongering and vicious whisper-repetition and iBIzA ViCe would like to emphasis that our mindless spying like this is what keeps the wheels of the island turning , so keep grinding baby...keep grinding...)

All in one Ibiza Guides...