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In the UK, this year’s festivals have had a tough time – an influx of both smaller and larger scale affairs have left the scene swamped, with punters weighing up the pros and cons of going to each event, and organisers inevitably stumped as they watch ticket sales dwindle.

In light of such a poor season, the teams behind Britain’s festivals – from Lovebox to Wireless – will right now be furiously hatching plans to avoid a repeat performance in 2012.

This got us thinking – what if a few of our DJs friends shared their ideas on how to make a festival really stand out?

Without further ado, we asked Smokin’ Jo, Stathis Lazarides and Wesley Razzy exactly what they would do if given the free reign to host their own fictitious, yet fabulous festivals – if only for fun. Read on to find out more.

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If you were to dream up your own festival, with no holds barred, what would it be like?
Stathis Lazarides: Is this questionnaire a kind of subliminal focus group to get new festival ideas? If it is, I want 15 % if my idea is the winning one...

Anyway, my festival won't have the following:
1. Sponsors.
2. Celebrity DJs (you know, the ones that demand five and six figure sums).
3. Council staff measuring loudness levels every five minutes.
4. Illiterate security staff with shaved heads that look like ex KGB.
5. Any other kind of policing or state presence within a five-mile radius.
6. Drugs sold by teenage dealers from council estates that sell you a combination of bleach and dust for, “Only a tenner mate.”
7. Champagne drinking ‘V.I.P’ idiots who just don't get it.

So what you are left with is exactly what the organisers of the original M25 raves had in their disposal – a field, a loud sound system, and thousands of fun loving, non-judgmental human beings.

Where in the world would you have your festival and why?
It can be anywhere in the world so long as it's the furthest away from politicians, bankers and the “economy”.

Who are your headliners?
There will be no headliners, just amazingly talented DJs who believe in ideals and have artistic morality and integrity – difficult to find in our day and age.

When would you have it and why?
That's a no brainier really; it needs to be warm enough!

What’s the dress code?
There will be no codes in this festival – codes are for prisoners.

What makes your festival unique?
The complete absence of idiots.

How would your festival be remembered?
By the original festival feeling from the pre-criminal justice law days.

What’s your festival anthem?
Josh One, Contemplation. The King Britt Funke mix.

How would you spread the word about your festival?
Distribute a phone number that leads to an answering machine with the location details – Bob's your uncle!
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Begginers guide to Fuckwit Techno by Stathoras

Stathis Lazarides Online

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If you were to dream up your own festival, with no holds barred, what would it be like?
Smokin’ Jo: If it could be done in the right way without ruining the natural surroundings, or encroaching on the locals, I would like it to be within the foothills of the Himalayas, Nepal. The scenery is so spectacular; the amazing mountains around you; the tops of the hills, the bottoms of the valleys – the festival would be spread all over so you could really explore. Nepal is a very spiritual place; the people are very happy and friendly. I’d imagine only people who really wanted to go would make the effort to travel so far, so hopefully the crowd would be really special.

Who are your headliners?
Living and dead: Jimi Hendrix, Eartha Kitt, Lauren Hill, Bob Marley, David Bowie, The Prodigy, Benga, Radiohead, Skunk Anansie, Snoop Dogg, The XX, Red Hot Chilli Peppers, Chaka Khan, Missy Elliott, OutKast, Jamie Jones, Art Department, Tony Humphries, Larry Levan, and Loco Dice.

When would it take place and why?
Spring, when all the flowers are budding and it’s warm, but not too hot.

What’s the dress code?
No code – just the crazier, the better. Wear whatever you like, but I must say I do like Bestival's fancy dress day, so maybe there could be an S&M dress up day…[laughs].

What makes your festival unique?
The location and a get back to nature vibe. A lot of the festival would be led by the festival-goers, like Burning Man, with a trade only rule - no money would change hands. Everyone must bring something to the event.

It can be anything and everyone must contribute – if you are an artist then bring art, if you are a DJ, do a free set – whatever your skill or whatever you enjoy, you can join in.

How would your festival be remembered?
Hopefully no one will be able to remember anything!

What’s your festival anthem?
OutKast, Hey Ya!

How would you spread the word about your festival?
At other like-minded festivals and events – word of mouth is best I think.
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SJ JULY 2011 MIX by josmokinjocom

Smokin’ Jo Online

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If you were to dream up your own festival, with no holds barred, what would it be like?
A submarine festival. Party underwater!

Where in the world would you have your festival and why?
We're underwater – anywhere in the Atlantic is fine.

Who are your headliners?
Hmm, I'd probably have Jim Morrison and The Smiths on the rock ’n roll stage, Larry Heard and Frankie Knuckles looking after the house, David Bowie playing his Berlin Trilogy tracks, and Herbie Hancock in da funk tent.

When would you have your festival and why?
In the 80s. I've always wished I could have partied then.

What’s the dress code?
Space costumes – just to give it a bit of contrast.

What makes your festival unique?
Jim Morrison back from the dead, performing inside a submarine to a crowd dressed as spacemen. Can’t get more different than that!

How would your festival be remembered?
Everybody gets a tattoo at the exit.

What’s your festival anthem?
David Bowie, Speed of Life.

How would you spread the word about your festival?
Smoke signals!
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Sonica | Radio Atlantida Brazil 9.09.2011 by WesleyRazzy

Wesley Razzy Online